When I left Indianapolis it was dark and chill. I arrived in Albuquerque and it was sunny and 80 degrees. Time for some adjustments. But the weather is the least of my adjustments.
Upon arriving in Albuquerque Father Angelo drove me to the Norbertine Retreat Center. We stopped first to buy food for the week. Although I sure the Fathers would drive me back if I needed anything I tried to plan for all that I would need.
At the center, I unpacked my things and put away the groceries. It is early afternoon and the whole day is wide open. What should I do? Eat lunch. Take a nap. Jog. Walk the grounds. Take pictures. Read. Write. I feel the urge to do it all at once.
And that is why I am beginning here. My life is filled with a constant drivenness. I move from one task to the next, with little time for contemplation and reflection. Even while I am in the midst of a task I find myself thinking about what I need to do next. This gives me a false sense of control. I'm not really in control but I want to believe that I am.
It is also a trait that is applauded by others. I get a lot done. I am busy and prepared.
But there is a need for more times to slow down, to relax, to rest, to listen to that inner voice longing to be heard.
There will be time enough for what needs to be done. For now I will enjoy a sandwich in the sunshine and come inside for a nap.
I'm glad to hear that you arrived safely. The first step is sometimes the hardest and you have taken that first step of this journey. Here's to hoping it brings you the peace you seek.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree and empathize with the urge to do it all "right now". I'm not sure if this is an impulse which is brought on by nature or nurture (perhaps both?), but I, too, feel that drivenness.
I also think that you hit the nail on the head when you said that you are rewarded by others for it and that it gives you a sense of having control over the events of the day around you. Ah, such great fodder for therapy.
I hope you enjoy your therapy session with nature today.