Traveling Companions

One of the questions people asked about this journey was who I would be traveling with or when I would meet up with "the group."  I explained that much of this trip would be spent alone and that there was no group.  I will be meeting people along the way, but mostly I will be alone.

But I recognize that I don't really travel alone.  There are many people with me in spirit; people who are in my daily thoughts and prayers and those who are holding me in their thoughts and prayers.

I have also brought some friends for this part of the journey.  Paula D'Arcy, Desmond Tutu, Parker Palmer, Jose Saramago and others.  I bring them through their writings to learn from them.  I have also discovered some friends at the Norbertine Library---Joan Chittister and Tony Hillerman to name a few.  I always have a book nearby and typically am reading several works simultaneously.  I enjoy the company of good literature.

One of the concerns I had about this renewal leave is what if I don't get it right, or worse yet, what if I fail.  I don't know what it would mean to get it wrong or to fail, but those concerns persist.  I realize there is no adequate means to judge the success or failure of this experience.

In her book, "The Gift of the Red Bird" Paula D'Arcy describes a time of personal retreat.  She expresses her fears that in some way she may fail.  She writes, "I have to repeat to myself that I will do this the way I do it.  And I believe God will honor me, however that is."

Amid the fear of failure, the desires to get it right, the uncertainties about the journey, a friend has poured out a bit of grace for the journey.

Slowing Down

When I left Indianapolis it was dark and chill.  I arrived in Albuquerque and it was sunny and 80 degrees.  Time for some adjustments.  But the weather is the least of my adjustments.

Upon arriving in Albuquerque Father Angelo drove me to the Norbertine Retreat Center.  We stopped first to buy food for the week.  Although I sure the Fathers would drive me back if I needed anything I tried to plan for all that I would need.

At the center, I unpacked my things and put away the groceries.  It is early afternoon and the whole day is wide open.  What should I do?  Eat lunch.  Take a nap.  Jog.  Walk the grounds.  Take pictures.  Read.  Write.  I feel the urge to do it all at once.

And that is why I am beginning here.  My life is filled with a constant drivenness.  I move from one task to the next, with little time for contemplation and reflection.  Even while I am in the midst of a task I find myself thinking about what I need to do next.  This gives me a false sense of control.  I'm not really in control but I want to believe that I am.

It is also a trait that is applauded by others.  I get a lot done.  I am busy and prepared. 

But there is a need for more times to slow down, to relax, to rest, to listen to that inner voice longing to be heard.

There will be time enough for what needs to be done.  For now I will enjoy a sandwich in the sunshine and come inside for a nap.

The Preparations

I am in the final preparations for my renewal leave.  There are still many things to be done.  My "to do" list is longer than I can complete in the remaining days.  I need to finish painting the exterior of the house.  There are people to visit.  There are still details of the trip to be worked out.  All the flights have been taken care of thanks to a very helpful travel agent.  And the hotels in Albuquerque, San Francisco. New Orleans and New York are finished. 

Amid the final preparations and unfinished business, I am aware of a conversation between Nicholas and Micah Sparks in their book, "Three Weeks with My Brother."  The two are planning a an around the world adventure.  But, the pressures of the planning are weighing heavily on Nicholas.  He comments that he will be fine once they actually begin their travels.  Micah responds by saying, "Haven't you learned yet?  The anticipation is an essential part of this whole trip.  The excitement of going, the places we'll see, the people we'll meet.  That's part of the joy of this whole thing."

It is a good reminder in these final days.  I am excited about the time away and the things I will experience.  I am excited about sharing these things with those who are interested.  But this time of planning and preparing is part of the fun as well.  Our joy does not begin later...when we finally graduate, when we finally get that job we are hoping for, when we get married or have children, when the children move out, when we finally retire, when the kids move out again....joy doesn't wait.  It is present throughout the journey. 

Peace.